"When keeping it real goes wrong."

Extreme kinkyness leads to internal bleeding!!

Oh boy.

*crosses legs. TIGHTLY*

This one is sufficiently worst than the d-ck kabob story and hurt my heart a little bit because I made the mistake of mentally picturing the hilarity. Just a heads up - this happened to a real person, in a real place, and it's really sad that such idiotic people walk the earth. Perhaps there were drugs involved? Idk, man. . .

LEXINGTON PARK, Md. (WUSA) - A Southern Maryland woman was seriously injured in a mishap involving a sex toy over the weekend. The case was first reported on TheBayNet.com, and Saint Mary’s county public safety sources confirmed the information to 9NEWS NOW.

The accident was reported to local fire and rescue personnel about 1:30 a.m. on March 7, from an address on Rogers Drive. The man who made the 911 call said he had placed a sex toy over a saber saw blade, and then used the power tool on his partner, but the blade cut through the plastic and injured the woman.

The victim, a 27-year-old woman, was reportedly injured and bleeding. She was later flown to Prince George’s hospital center by Maryland State Police helicopter." [Source of all sources- OHN]

This is what happens when something that seems like ingenuity is actually just a really eff'd up idea of fun. I'm begging you all to take lessons from these sob stories and please try to cut down on the stupid. If it seems like a bad idea, it probably is.

"He wanted the ring, she wanted revenge"

Girl clocks ex boyfriend in the face when he asks for his ring!!

*Kill Bill music plays*

I hope it was a nice ring. . .

PORTSMOUTH — When Britta Osberg’s ex-boyfriend asked her to return a ring, she punched him in the face twice, leaving the ring’s imprint on his cheek, police allege.

Based on those allegations, Osberg, 19, of 110 Perkins Road, Rye, is scheduled to be arraigned in Portsmouth District Court Monday on two class A misdemeanor counts of simple assault.

According to an affidavit by Officer Eric Kinsman, the alleged victim told police he went to a city gas station to retrieve the ring from Osberg, she refused to return it and they began to argue. During the argument, Osberg is alleged to have twice punched her ex in the face." [Source - Seacoast Online]

It always saddens me to see misunderstood women get arrested for assault charges. I don't know who started the argument, but Britta sure finished it. Now her ex is walkin' around with a nice little reminder of what once was - concaved face and all.

"Knitting catastrophe"

What's the word for doing something and making it seem like an accident when it really isn't? I'm sure there's a word for it. . Oh, right. Being stupid. I understand that's a phrase, and I don't care.

Woman puts knitting needles to work by stabbing ex's jimmy!

ATHENS - A man who fell asleep while drinking with his ex-girlfriend woke up a few hours later to find a six-inch crochet needle in his penis.

The 45-year-old man told authorities that dozed off at his Holt Road home about 8 p.m. and woke up at 11 p.m. Wednesday and discovered the problem, said Limestone County Sheriff Mike Blakely.

He drove himself to Athens-Limestone Hospital, where a doctor removed the needle.

The man told deputies that he couldn’t remember his ex-girlfriend’s last name and that he didn’t wake up when the needle was inserted, Blakely said." [Source- Blog AL]

What a way to wake up from a nap, huh? One minute you're downing beers and the next you're trying to explain to some qualified specialist why your manhood looks like shish kabob.

Nasty. *shivers*

"Abused and Misused"

Man beats his cousin in the head with a VCR because she refused sex!!

But with a VCR though?

DAYTON - A 51-year-old woman’s condition has been upgraded to stable after she beaten in the head with a VCR by a cousin Saturday, Feb. 28, days after the suspect was released from prison.

Police said the woman was beaten by Percy S. Cochran, 28 and a convicted felon, at about 2 a.m. on Saturday before Cochran broke into the homes of two other relatives.

Investigators said Cochran intended to have sex with his cousin, but when she refused, he choked her and then beat her with the VCR. The woman, whose name has not been released, suffered severe brain injuries but was talking, according to police." [Source- OHN]

That Cochran character has officially earned himself a one-way-ticket to ruthless jail treatment city. If that's a place, that is. Beating aged women with dead technology, breaking into homes, attempting forced incest, repeat offending. You must not like your life.

"Grindin'"

Not another injured penis!!

A man whose penis met an ill fate with a grinder in Brisbane's north this afternoon has been rushed to hospital.

It is understood the 23-year-old was working in Northgate when he was injured just after 2pm."

[Source - Brisbane Times]

There's nothing like a good old fashion castration to start the week off right. It's a shame because he was only 23-years-old. I'm hoping he got good use out of it for the first 23 years.

Since they didn't want to identify what kind of "grinder" it was that injured him, you'll just have to use your imagination with the picture I've provided. I'm just curious as to why his member was even in a position to be injured. . .aren't you?

*scratches head*

"Dangers with a Wii remote"

Man accused of choking girlfriend with a WII controller

Over - get this - COOKIES.

An Austin man has been accused of trying to choke his girlfriend with the cord of a Wii video game controller after she became angry that he had eaten all of her Girl Scout cookies, according to an arrest affidavit.

I wouldn't make this stuff up. [Source]

Basically this is the kind of thing that goes on in normal households when a heated argument ensues but no one ever actually has the guts to say, "Yes, I used a Wii controller because that was the first thing I could get my hands on."

I've never gotten into a physical altercation with a boyfriend but I can think of quite a few times when me and my younger brother went at each others throats using much more. . .deliberate weapons. Not knives or anything like that. . .just furniture.