"No petites please"

Millionare taking wife applications!!

Gold-diggerory has reached an all-time high. It use to be that the woman had to cleverly seduce an established and extremely financially secure gentleman enough to get him to add her name to some paperwork but now, the millionare moguls are wishing this upon themselves.

The only catch was that the women needed to be 5'6 and over.
Hmm. I'm still in the running. . .

"Sure you can have my husband's face"

Wife of Boston Face Transplant Donor Says Husband Appreciated 'Value of Life'

BROOKLINE, Mass. — The wife of a Massachusetts man whose tissue was donated for the nation's second face transplant said her husband told her before heart transplant surgery that he wanted to donate his organs if he didn't survive the operation.

Susan Whitman told The Boston Globe for a story in Wednesday's editions that she was surprised, however, when organ bank officials asked if she would approve of the donation of Joseph Helfgot's face.

"It's easy to sign up and say you are an organ donor," Whitman said. "It's another to have your family understand and facilitate that. It's painful and it takes strength and a will to do it." [Source- Fox]

That is some kind of wonderful =]

I thought this was interesting because my initial, uninformed thought was that some other man would literally be walking around wearing her husband's face. . .and well, that just didn't sit too well with me. But common sense should have told me that bone structure plays a major role in facial re-construction and so while he'll have his lips, nose, facial skin, muscles, etc, he won't look anything like him.

& when you think of being an organ donor you're thinking of giving up a kidney or lung or some other vital organ, right? Think again.

"Catch a falling lover"

Man dies trying to catch suicidal girlfriend as she jumps from 7th floor

I understand the intent, I do, but come on, Wang. . .

A Chinese man was killed last week after trying to catch his suicidal girlfriend as she jumped from the seventh floor of their Quanzhou apartment building in south-eastern China.

The young man, only identified as Wang, tried to break the woman’s fall by holding out his arms, witnesses said. He was killed by the impact of her body landing on top of him, according to Perth Now.

His girlfriend survived the fall, suffering only from bone fractures and other injuries. She was not in critical condition and expected to make a full recovery." [Source]

I know it happened in China, but I could definitely see someone exercising this type of nonsensical behavior here in the US. I always side with the victim, so I'm furious at the fact that the suicidal girlfriend is expected to make a full recovery while Wang is six-feet-under for being her human fall breaker. Ain't that about a b*tch?

I'm sure now more than ever that she's ready to make a second attempt at that jump.

What would you do if you saw someone you loved hurdling towards the sidewalk? I'll be honest -- I'd probably have a panic attack and start crying on the spot. Even with a hysterical flowing of tears I'd still know I can't catch them and live. Not even a little bit.

"More to love"

New Dating Reality Show Looking to Cats Overweight Contestants!!

Average Joes and Janes will get to pursue their shot at love with the launch of the new dating-competition series developed by FOX called “More to Love.”

The show has been billed as a dating show “for the rest of us,” and will feature overweight contestants.

FOX will be teaming up with producer Mike Fleiss (known for his work on "The Bachelor"). The show will feature a group of women competing for the love of one man, whom producers describe as a Kevin James-type (James was the star of “The King of Queens.”)

"For six years it's been skinny-minis and good-looking bachelors, and that's not what the dating world looks like," Fox president of alternative Mike Darnell said. "Why don't real women — the women who watch these shows, for the most part — have a chance to find love too?" [Source- Fox]

Um, I don't like how they're insinuating that the rest of us - the ones who happen to find their guilty pleasure is reality TV - are overweight and even want to partake in the f*ckery. However, I'm sure they'll find people who want their shine and will end up on the show and then milk it for all it was worth just to end up on another.

A reality dating show for real people this time. Imagine that. And it's true that the people featured on reality shows are nothing like what the dating world is. Reality TV can never hope to really be realistic if someone's heart is involved.

"Handcuffs & more love biting"

Wife handcuffs herself to husband (& allegedly bit him)!!

FAIRFIELD, Conn. - Police in Connecticut say a woman attempting to reconcile with her husband handcuffed herself to him as he slept and then bit him on his torso and arms.

Police say 37-year-old Helen Sun told them she wanted to have a conversation with husband Robert Drawbough without him leaving. Police say she changed the locks on their bedroom and handcuffed herself to Drawbough while he was sleeping Monday.

Drawbough used a cell phone to call police. Officers heard his screams when they arrived at the couple's Fairfield home. He was treated at a local hospital." [Source- MSNBC]

Reconciling is highly unlikely after you've tried to bite off a chunk of my skin, but maybe that's just me. This might have just been a little playful matter between lovers that her punk of a husband wasn't prepared for. However, them hearing his "screams" must have meant she was seriously going in on her bondage exploit.

They slapped her with a bunch of charges (third-degree assault, disorderly conduct, reckless endangerment, unlawful restraint). Next time she tries to reconcile with him she should consider something a little more, well, legal.

"How far is too far for a friend"?

Ohio Man Kills Self After Realizing He Ran Over Friend!

So that was completely uncalled for on so many levels.

SAGAMORE HILLS, Ohio — An Ohio man fatally shot himself in the head moments after realizing he had run over a friend, who also died, police said.

Summit County Sheriff's Sgt. Scott Cottle said witnesses saw Erich Schultz and Stacy DiJulius arguing Saturday night in a parking lot after both had been drinking at a bar in Sagamore Hills, about 20 miles south of Cleveland.

Schultz, 38, tried to drive away in his Jeep, but DiJulius attempted to get into the vehicle as it moved and fell under one of the tires, Cottle said. He added that it appeared Schultz accidentally ran over DiJulius and that he felt so bad about it he then took out a gun and shot himself." [Source- Fox News]

The woman died at the hospital, and the "suicide victim" was pronounced dead later as well. What boggles my mind is how authorities just assume he killed himself because he accidentally ran her over. There are some missing pieces here, but from what I understand drinking + arguing in a parking lot ='s the recipe for some bad decisions.

Nevertheless, plotholes or not - you heard it from me. If he in fact did shoot himself in the head because of an immediate wave of guilt I know he is kicking himself looking down on this. . .or up at it. Whichever works.

"Do-it-your-self Insemination"

Lesbian threatens to inseminate wife with brother’s sperm; faces charges

"An alleged Massachusetts lesbian has been charged with domestic assault and battery after she tried to artificially inseminate her wife with her brother’s semen.

Artificial insemination - Do not try this at home
Stephanie Lighten was “all liquored up” Tuesday, her wife, Jennifer Lighten, told Pittsfield police. Stephanie had been talking about trying to impregnate her for some time, she said.

When Stephanie came home around 4:30 p.m., she threw Jennifer on the couch and threatened to inseminate her with a large catheter-tipped syringe, according to the Berkshire Eagle.

A witness called police who arrested Stephanie at the scene. They retrieved the syringe in its original package and a container of semen. It was unclear how Stephanie obtained the semen from her brother. "[Source]

Obviously not one of their best ideas. I feel like she could have saved herself so much embarressment (whoever Stephanie Lighten is) by doing this the old-fashioned way. And no, I don't mean by actually finding a man to physically impregnant her wife. . .just by looking for a sperm donor.

Then again, with this recession I can't imagine paying for some extra test-tube-safe jizz being cheap, so doing if you feel like you can do it yourself - more power to ya.

"Oh, the irony"

Florida Man Wearing 'I Heart My Marriage' Shirt Arrested for Allegedly Choking Wife

Shirts are so misleading.

Bradley Gellert, 32, an Ameriprise financial consultant, was wearing a T-shirt bearing the phrase "I Heart My Marriage" when he was arrested on a charge of domestic battery by strangulation, according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office." [Source- Foxified]

Gellert apparently threw a temper tantrum for reasons undisclosed before he tried to attack his wife. She's not dead, just really confused.

I have a shirt that I got last year saying "I love my boyfriend" around V-day, but since we broke up I wear it to clean/go to the gym. I clearly no longer love my boyfriend - but I do love the way that 100% cotton T-shirt feels. He might have been attached in the same kind of way. No?

"Royals need love too"

Prince Charles' love letters on sale on eBay!!


A set of six love letters from Prince Charles has been put up for sale on eBay. To be clear: these aren't letters to either Camilla or Di, so who the heck are these love letters to?

While not named in the eBay auction itself, according to a report, the letters were written from Prince Charles to Montreal resident Janet Jenkins between 1976 and 1980.The letters have a starting bid of $30,000 and a Buy It Now price of $30,001. So far no takers."

I'm not surprised that there are no takers. According to this blog the starting bid is about $30,000. Who the heck has money like that to just be throwing away on some freakin' love letter? And who is Prince Charles, anyway??

. . .Okay, I take that last part back. I know who Prince Charles is, but these love letters still aren't worth my school's tuition.

The woman who actually gave up the love letters is 'embarressed', but I think she's just sour about not thinking of this get rich quick scheme herself.

"Designer Grandkids"

Court Denies Couple Use of Dead Son's Sperm to Make Grandchild =[

Why anyone would want to create a miniature financial burden during these hard economic times without their parents around is beyond me.

A New York appeals court says a couple is not entitled to their dead son's frozen sperm so they can have a grandchild.

Mark Speranza left semen samples at a lab in 1997 but ordered them destroyed if he died. He wanted to father a child if he survived his battle with cancer. He died in January 1998.

Speranza's parents sought custody of the frozen sperm so a surrogate mother could be artificially inseminated." [Source- Foxified]

It turned out that you actually needed the father's blood for this whole "procedure" to be possible. And with him dead it's kind of, well, impossible.

I think it's adorable that they tried though. Just the kind of things I would want my grand ones to do for me if it ever came to that. . .lol. . .came *smh*

"Diamond is my favorite flavor"

Woman swallows engangement ring when boyfriend hides it in a MILKSHAKE --- Ouch!!

I don't think that was a wise decision at ALL on his part.

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Why not hide it in a cupcake or something? Everyone loves cupcakes. I probably would have done the same thing and just downed the milkshake. Ring and allllll.