"No petites please"

Millionare taking wife applications!!

Gold-diggerory has reached an all-time high. It use to be that the woman had to cleverly seduce an established and extremely financially secure gentleman enough to get him to add her name to some paperwork but now, the millionare moguls are wishing this upon themselves.

The only catch was that the women needed to be 5'6 and over.
Hmm. I'm still in the running. . .

"I scream, you scream"

Woman fined for EXTREMELY loud sex!

Overdoing it, for real.

I don't know that there's any kind of sex out there that will have you screaming out in other languages, tongues, and dialects and willing to pay close to $1,000 just to do so. Just for screaming though? Come on now.

SUNDERLAND , England, April 18 (UPI) — A 47-year-old Englishwoman has been convicted of flouting a city order to keep her love-making sessions quiet, officials said.

The Daily Telegraph reported Saturday that Caroline Cartwright, 47, was found guilty of breaching a noise abatement notice served on her after police received 25 complaints about her loud sessions with husband Steve.

She was fined more than $760, The Sun reported.

“I am not making the noise on purpose,” she told magistrates in Sunderland. “I have no desire to hurt anybody or damage any property.”

One neighbor reportedly said she had not gotten a decent night’s sleep for two years because of the Cartwrights. Another neighbor said she was forced to move out because of the noise, the Telegraph reported." [Source]

Disrespectful neighbors. I mean, it's fine if you wanna get yours in the comfort of your own home but when it's seriously interfering with numerous people's sleep patterns perhaps it's time to tone it down. I'm not hating, I'm just saying.

& don't worry, the lady insists it was worth the money.

"What a nice surprise"

Mich. man helps deliver wife's surprise baby !!

So, I don't believe it.

A western Michigan man helped deliver his wife's baby boy despite not knowing she was pregnant. The Grand Rapids Press reported the man called 911 early Thursday as his wife was in labor. The man told the dispatcher that he had not known his 27-year-old wife was pregnant. He said they recently quit smoking and thought her recent weight gain was related.

The couple has two children, and the mother has an additional child from a previous relationship.

Following the successful delivery, the dispatcher talked the man through post-birth procedures. The child was taken to a local hospital." [Source]

So you thought the major weight gain was because she quit smoking? I mean, I guess. I know there are different reasons to not realize you're pregnant for a while but not finding out until the kids' already halfway out? That's just downright negligent on her part.



It could happen to anyone, right? Props to him for delivering the baby boy instead of just remaining in a state of shock about the pregnancy like I probably would have.

"Backlash for spreading seeds"

Man jailed for dodging child support for 14 kids

Authorities in Michigan say a man fathered 14 children with 13 different women and owes more than $530,000 in unpaid child support.

The Flint Journal reports 42-year-old Thomas Frazier was jailed Thursday. Court records say he hasn't made a support payment in six years.

The newspaper says the unemployed man could be held for 90 days if he doesn't pay $27,900.
Frazier says he thinks he fathered only three of the children and that it's unrealistic for authorities to expect him to pay child support that was $3,000 a month at one point." [Source- AP News]

Ugh.

I have no words. Just take him off to jail. You have 13 women claiming you're the father of their 14 children and you're not a celebrity or anything? It's not like you're loaded. . .you know you're the baby daddy. At this point (now that six years have passed) I think these women are secure with the fact that money from this man is just not an option, and his punishment should be jail time.

And a MAJOR deduction from any check he earns from now until the cows come home.

"I love you, but. . ."

Boyfriend freaks out on his girl -- pours chili on her head!!

STUART — A man accused of pouring chili on his girlfriend and ripping off her bra following an argument involving television watching is facing charges, according to a Martin County Sheriff’s Office report released Friday.

The 26-year-old victim told investigators her boyfriend, with whom she has two children and is nine weeks pregnant, came home Thursday evening and wanted to watch TV in their bedroom.

Boyfriend Edd M. Johnson, 21, is accused of kicking the TV and breaking it after she asked that he watch TV in the other room of the residence in the 2900 block of Southeast Delmar Street.

The victim went to slice the power cord of the other TV with scissors when police said Johnson grabbed her neck and pulled her away.

The victim called her sister, who called the sheriff’s office. She grabbed her kids and got in her vehicle when Johnson came out with a can of chili."

This is an OHNawllian story, as you can expect. Just wanted to notify you all to watch out for the above man [who looks way closer to 40 than 21. They might need to check that], and keep your distance. Throwing chili on people all willy nilly over television. . .shame, shame.

& then, in true Chris Brownian fashion, he had the nerve to tell police he should have "whooped her a**." Because that's exactly what they wanted to hear. *rolls eyes*

"Naked for nuggets"

Pimp team pay prostitute with nuggets!!

Ronald Vikash Gander, 27, and his 16-year-old girlfriend devised a plan to prostitute a teenage girl so they could afford the weekly $1,050 rent on a serviced inner-Brisbane apartment, the Brisbane District Court was told.

The court was told the girl made $4,500 for having sex with five middle-aged men in June last year.Gander and his girlfriend used the money for living expenses and paid the girl nothing except for the occasional box of chicken nuggets.

The court was told Gander's girlfriend - who cannot be named - threatened the student, who had run away from home, with eviction if she didn't continue having sex with clients to earn her keep." [Source]

So this needs to stop.

I don't hate the player - I hate the game, so I'm not mad at the pimp for paying her with nuggets but rather her for accepting. The whole thing is ludicrous. This man who is damn near 30 teamed up with his underaged girlfriend to pimp her underage classmate and didn't even have the decency to pay her with actual cash. Not that anything I ever post on here is decent, but still. . .

. . .you see my point.

"More to love"

New Dating Reality Show Looking to Cats Overweight Contestants!!

Average Joes and Janes will get to pursue their shot at love with the launch of the new dating-competition series developed by FOX called “More to Love.”

The show has been billed as a dating show “for the rest of us,” and will feature overweight contestants.

FOX will be teaming up with producer Mike Fleiss (known for his work on "The Bachelor"). The show will feature a group of women competing for the love of one man, whom producers describe as a Kevin James-type (James was the star of “The King of Queens.”)

"For six years it's been skinny-minis and good-looking bachelors, and that's not what the dating world looks like," Fox president of alternative Mike Darnell said. "Why don't real women — the women who watch these shows, for the most part — have a chance to find love too?" [Source- Fox]

Um, I don't like how they're insinuating that the rest of us - the ones who happen to find their guilty pleasure is reality TV - are overweight and even want to partake in the f*ckery. However, I'm sure they'll find people who want their shine and will end up on the show and then milk it for all it was worth just to end up on another.

A reality dating show for real people this time. Imagine that. And it's true that the people featured on reality shows are nothing like what the dating world is. Reality TV can never hope to really be realistic if someone's heart is involved.

"Dear wife of a trifiling man,"

Cops snitching to the wives of prostitute clients!

Stop snitching? I think not.

Soon wives could receive letters from the Escambia County Sheriff’s Department letting them know when their husbands are arrested for soliciting prostitutes.

“I don’t think it’s people’s right to do that. I really don’t,” said Trishanne LaFreniere, a woman who opposes the letter.

“She has the right to know,” said Laurie Thuma, who likes the idea of alerting wives. “This impacts her on many levels, including her health.”

Even the men in Escambia County can’t seem to agree whether or not the letter is a good idea.

“This letter’s making you guilty before you get your day in court,” emphasized Jeff Hughes. “You need therapy. You need help. You don’t need to be lambasted by your wife.”[Source]

I don't know about you, but from what I've seen [okay, read] when you're eager to enjoy the company of hookers usually you're also not willing to admit to it - and you're definitely not going to tell your wife/girlfriend. Come on now. Of course some men are arguing that this "snitching" from the police isn't giving them a fair trial with their wife and making them guilty before proven innocent. . .

. . .They must not have read the memo that said with relationships you're always guilty until proven innocent. It's sad, some say you have trust issues but the fact still remains that this isn't the United States Justice system - this is real life. If you can survive being accused of soliciting sexual favors then maybe I'll be quiet, but until then the woman has the right to know if you're coming home with a smile on your face but sharing chlamydia with her.

"Handcuffs & more love biting"

Wife handcuffs herself to husband (& allegedly bit him)!!

FAIRFIELD, Conn. - Police in Connecticut say a woman attempting to reconcile with her husband handcuffed herself to him as he slept and then bit him on his torso and arms.

Police say 37-year-old Helen Sun told them she wanted to have a conversation with husband Robert Drawbough without him leaving. Police say she changed the locks on their bedroom and handcuffed herself to Drawbough while he was sleeping Monday.

Drawbough used a cell phone to call police. Officers heard his screams when they arrived at the couple's Fairfield home. He was treated at a local hospital." [Source- MSNBC]

Reconciling is highly unlikely after you've tried to bite off a chunk of my skin, but maybe that's just me. This might have just been a little playful matter between lovers that her punk of a husband wasn't prepared for. However, them hearing his "screams" must have meant she was seriously going in on her bondage exploit.

They slapped her with a bunch of charges (third-degree assault, disorderly conduct, reckless endangerment, unlawful restraint). Next time she tries to reconcile with him she should consider something a little more, well, legal.

"Do-it-your-self Insemination"

Lesbian threatens to inseminate wife with brother’s sperm; faces charges

"An alleged Massachusetts lesbian has been charged with domestic assault and battery after she tried to artificially inseminate her wife with her brother’s semen.

Artificial insemination - Do not try this at home
Stephanie Lighten was “all liquored up” Tuesday, her wife, Jennifer Lighten, told Pittsfield police. Stephanie had been talking about trying to impregnate her for some time, she said.

When Stephanie came home around 4:30 p.m., she threw Jennifer on the couch and threatened to inseminate her with a large catheter-tipped syringe, according to the Berkshire Eagle.

A witness called police who arrested Stephanie at the scene. They retrieved the syringe in its original package and a container of semen. It was unclear how Stephanie obtained the semen from her brother. "[Source]

Obviously not one of their best ideas. I feel like she could have saved herself so much embarressment (whoever Stephanie Lighten is) by doing this the old-fashioned way. And no, I don't mean by actually finding a man to physically impregnant her wife. . .just by looking for a sperm donor.

Then again, with this recession I can't imagine paying for some extra test-tube-safe jizz being cheap, so doing if you feel like you can do it yourself - more power to ya.

"Oh, the irony"

Florida Man Wearing 'I Heart My Marriage' Shirt Arrested for Allegedly Choking Wife

Shirts are so misleading.

Bradley Gellert, 32, an Ameriprise financial consultant, was wearing a T-shirt bearing the phrase "I Heart My Marriage" when he was arrested on a charge of domestic battery by strangulation, according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office." [Source- Foxified]

Gellert apparently threw a temper tantrum for reasons undisclosed before he tried to attack his wife. She's not dead, just really confused.

I have a shirt that I got last year saying "I love my boyfriend" around V-day, but since we broke up I wear it to clean/go to the gym. I clearly no longer love my boyfriend - but I do love the way that 100% cotton T-shirt feels. He might have been attached in the same kind of way. No?

"When keeping it real goes wrong."

Extreme kinkyness leads to internal bleeding!!

Oh boy.

*crosses legs. TIGHTLY*

This one is sufficiently worst than the d-ck kabob story and hurt my heart a little bit because I made the mistake of mentally picturing the hilarity. Just a heads up - this happened to a real person, in a real place, and it's really sad that such idiotic people walk the earth. Perhaps there were drugs involved? Idk, man. . .

LEXINGTON PARK, Md. (WUSA) - A Southern Maryland woman was seriously injured in a mishap involving a sex toy over the weekend. The case was first reported on TheBayNet.com, and Saint Mary’s county public safety sources confirmed the information to 9NEWS NOW.

The accident was reported to local fire and rescue personnel about 1:30 a.m. on March 7, from an address on Rogers Drive. The man who made the 911 call said he had placed a sex toy over a saber saw blade, and then used the power tool on his partner, but the blade cut through the plastic and injured the woman.

The victim, a 27-year-old woman, was reportedly injured and bleeding. She was later flown to Prince George’s hospital center by Maryland State Police helicopter." [Source of all sources- OHN]

This is what happens when something that seems like ingenuity is actually just a really eff'd up idea of fun. I'm begging you all to take lessons from these sob stories and please try to cut down on the stupid. If it seems like a bad idea, it probably is.

"He wanted the ring, she wanted revenge"

Girl clocks ex boyfriend in the face when he asks for his ring!!

*Kill Bill music plays*

I hope it was a nice ring. . .

PORTSMOUTH — When Britta Osberg’s ex-boyfriend asked her to return a ring, she punched him in the face twice, leaving the ring’s imprint on his cheek, police allege.

Based on those allegations, Osberg, 19, of 110 Perkins Road, Rye, is scheduled to be arraigned in Portsmouth District Court Monday on two class A misdemeanor counts of simple assault.

According to an affidavit by Officer Eric Kinsman, the alleged victim told police he went to a city gas station to retrieve the ring from Osberg, she refused to return it and they began to argue. During the argument, Osberg is alleged to have twice punched her ex in the face." [Source - Seacoast Online]

It always saddens me to see misunderstood women get arrested for assault charges. I don't know who started the argument, but Britta sure finished it. Now her ex is walkin' around with a nice little reminder of what once was - concaved face and all.

"Doggie Delights"

That title is so inappropriate for this post, yet so true.

Jealous wife cuts if off -- and feeds it to the dogs!!

Raging Kailasben Vyshali, from Mehsana, India, drugged her man with sleeping pills, served in a cup of tea, after he came home from seeing his mistress.

Then while he slept she chopped off his penis with a razor sharp blade and threw it into the street where it was snapped up by a pack of stray dogs.

“The hospital managed to save his life but the rest of him was never found. He’s certainly never going to cheat again,” said one doctor." [Source- OHN]

She REALLY went in! Why is the ultimate resolution to dealing with a cheating husband always, ALWAYS to go after his member in some flagrant way? My solution would be more along the lines of white collar crime. Ie: attacking his bank account like a leech sucking all of his finances dry.

Then again, if he's not working with much (in his account, I mean) and your emotions are all out of wack, I guess sleeping pills and razor blades can do the trick too.